I’ve had an off week. I didn’t run. I hardly trained. I took a step back from my blog and my research. And then I got sick. In fact, I’m still sick.
When I decided to start Food4ThoughtNYC, I was coming out of a rough patch. I knew I wanted to become more involved with nutrition but I wasn’t sure how to do go about doing that. I went in circles for what seems like forever, but then things finally clicked and my blog was born. Suddenly I felt like I could do anything, be anything. But old habits die hard and I could feel that self-doubt creeping back in.
This was one of those weeks where I really questioned what it is I’m doing here. I mean, what’s the point of it all? What am I contributing to this dialogue about nutrition and public health? And does the world need another person posting pictures of their food online? I mean, who really cares?
I’ve been pretty consistent with ignoring that kind of negativity for the past couple of months. I feel more motivated and energized now than I ever have before. But I think all this ‘zoom zoom go after it’ mentality has started to wear me down and strip away that veneer. And I’m grateful for that. I need these moments to really figure out what I’m trying to achieve. What’s my voice and why do people want to read what I have to say?
I read so many amazing blogs and I admire their writing and the fact that they’re clearly themed. There’s a point. Those posts resonate with me because the writers understand what they’re doing and hit that target straight on. I, on the other hand, feel like I’ve got all these balls juggling in the air with no real rhythm. And then there’s my writing….don’t get me started with that!
I’m impatient. I want to know all the answers and I want to know them right now. My friend Gizelle reminded me yesterday that these things take time. The important thing to remember here is that I’m working at it each day and that my voice will come out naturally. And she’s right. I took the day off from work yesterday because I felt like crap, and when I sat back to think about it I realized I’ve only been doing this for about a month. A month. That’s nothing. No time whatsoever!
I remember what I felt like before I did all of this. I was so unsatisfied and unhappy with my life because I didn’t believe that I could do this. As tired and as exhausted as I am right now with my crazy schedule, it’s nothing compared to those feelings of insecurity. I don’t doubt myself anymore. And sure I may need to take a breather now and then or maybe take up a writing class to work on my skills, but that’s all moving me in the right direction.
My upside this week is that all of this, the blog, the training, the cooking, the social networking, is part of a bigger picture that I’m creating each day. I didn’t have that before and I’m going to hold onto it for dear life because its the best I’ve ever felt.
I took that upside with me to the gym this morning, by the way. This was my first run in about a week. I decided to turn the timers off, play my music and just run. My upside produced the best run of my life (remember I’m a newbie!). I ran 2 miles at a 12:20 pace which was my longest distance and fastest pace on record. I think that about says its all for me right now 🙂
Wanna join in on the affirmation-fun of Saturday Upsides?? Head on over to Bonnie’s blog at http://recipeshappen.com/ , copy the Saturday Upsides button, and send the link to your post on her comments board. You could be featured on her blog!
Happy Saturday folks! Stay positive. 🙂
Food4ThoughtNYC 
Thanks so much for joining me again! It’s great to read your story. ❤
Bonnie
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I absolutely love this post! Wow! All I can say is that I can relate to so many things that you said here. Rough patches, doubt and insecurity have been dominating my thoughts for a long while now. Everyday is a reminder to be positive. My biggest issue is the lack of patience, I want things done yesterday. I am very critical and very hard on myself. My path to starting my own nutrition consulting practise has been the furthest thing from easy. I feel that because I don’t have many clients that I am not doing well, etc etc. Who would like my blog etc etc. But I remind myself that it is a process and a journey and nothing great ever happens overnight! Keep doing what you do, and congrats on the awesome run! 🙂
Eva
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Gosh, Eva, thanks SO much for what you’ve said! Truly, I think hearing your thoughts and sharing these moments is what makes all of this worth it. It’s a strange thing to figure out what you want to do with your life, but then you’re there and it’s like “ok, now what?” It’s even more difficult when you’re your own worst critic. I hear what you’re saying and I’m so happy that we can both say that we’re on journeys that are going to take us time to reach our intended destinations. That’s great that you have a practice up and running! It takes people some time to come around but eventually they’ll get what you’re trying to do and want to be a part of it as well. I have faith in that. Thanks again for your comments- I really think that made my day after the run! Enjoy your weekend. 🙂
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It is my pleasure! Sometimes sharing our thoughts versus bottling them is the best way to move through a rough patch. I am very happy to hear that I made you smile, that makes MY day a whole lot better. I hope you keep sharing your thoughts. You are more inspiring, motivating than you realize. Hope New York is as nice as Toronto is today, it is so sunny here. Enjoy your weekend as well! 😉
Eva
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About once a month for a couple of days I start doubting myself about personal training and my career. Then I realize I’m PMSing 😛
I’m totally serious. After those couple of days I feel confident all over again. Think about it….lol
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Haha! You know, you’re probably right!! 😀
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First: yes your blog is adding something knew, because you know.. yes a lot of people can write about nutrition, but just a few can put it down in words good and you’re one of the few. So keep up the good work and try to see the bigger circle whenever you can. I understand where you are coming from and what you are going through, we could have been sisters in that.. but stay positive and remember what your talents are and what makes you happy. Then you will achieve your goal.
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Wow, thanks so much for your advice and your thoughts. This has been such an overwhelming journey and its forced me to rethink not just my career goals as a nutritionist but my abilities as a writer. I came into this thinking I didn’t have to worry as much about the latter, only to be proven completely wrong. It’s awesome to hear that people are relating to what I’ve posted so far. I’m so appreciative that you’re seeing something good here and I thank you a hundred times for your time and your advice. Thank you!! 🙂
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