I’ve had an off week. I didn’t run. I hardly trained. I took a step back from my blog and my research. And then I got sick. In fact, I’m still sick.
When I decided to start Food4ThoughtNYC, I was coming out of a rough patch. I knew I wanted to become more involved with nutrition but I wasn’t sure how to do go about doing that. I went in circles for what seems like forever, but then things finally clicked and my blog was born. Suddenly I felt like I could do anything, be anything. But old habits die hard and I could feel that self-doubt creeping back in.
This was one of those weeks where I really questioned what it is I’m doing here. I mean, what’s the point of it all? What am I contributing to this dialogue about nutrition and public health? And does the world need another person posting pictures of their food online? I mean, who really cares?
I’ve been pretty consistent with ignoring that kind of negativity for the past couple of months. I feel more motivated and energized now than I ever have before. But I think all this ‘zoom zoom go after it’ mentality has started to wear me down and strip away that veneer. And I’m grateful for that. I need these moments to really figure out what I’m trying to achieve. What’s my voice and why do people want to read what I have to say?
I read so many amazing blogs and I admire their writing and the fact that they’re clearly themed. There’s a point. Those posts resonate with me because the writers understand what they’re doing and hit that target straight on. I, on the other hand, feel like I’ve got all these balls juggling in the air with no real rhythm. And then there’s my writing….don’t get me started with that!
I’m impatient. I want to know all the answers and I want to know them right now. My friend Gizelle reminded me yesterday that these things take time. The important thing to remember here is that I’m working at it each day and that my voice will come out naturally. And she’s right. I took the day off from work yesterday because I felt like crap, and when I sat back to think about it I realized I’ve only been doing this for about a month. A month. That’s nothing. No time whatsoever!
I remember what I felt like before I did all of this. I was so unsatisfied and unhappy with my life because I didn’t believe that I could do this. As tired and as exhausted as I am right now with my crazy schedule, it’s nothing compared to those feelings of insecurity. I don’t doubt myself anymore. And sure I may need to take a breather now and then or maybe take up a writing class to work on my skills, but that’s all moving me in the right direction.
My upside this week is that all of this, the blog, the training, the cooking, the social networking, is part of a bigger picture that I’m creating each day. I didn’t have that before and I’m going to hold onto it for dear life because its the best I’ve ever felt.
I took that upside with me to the gym this morning, by the way. This was my first run in about a week. I decided to turn the timers off, play my music and just run. My upside produced the best run of my life (remember I’m a newbie!). I ran 2 miles at a 12:20 pace which was my longest distance and fastest pace on record. I think that about says its all for me right now 🙂
Wanna join in on the affirmation-fun of Saturday Upsides?? Head on over to Bonnie’s blog at http://recipeshappen.com/ , copy the Saturday Upsides button, and send the link to your post on her comments board. You could be featured on her blog!
Happy Saturday folks! Stay positive. 🙂