There once was a girl who thought she was the problem. She let herself be manipulated into thinking that it was all her fault. What happened replayed in her mind over and over again until the memory twisted and she couldn’t even remember if it was truth or just her imagination given how horrible it was.
There once was a girl who looked in the mirror and saw flaws. The one she trusted to love her for who she was made her believe her flaws were true when he turned her away with mean words. Her weight was wrong , too heavy in his eyes. And she believed him.
There once was a girl who let herself get bullied time and time again because she thought she deserved it. She put herself down and held herself back. Her unhappiness overwhelmed her and kept her trapped in a sick cycle carousel of repeated hurts and blame.
There once was a girl who chose to use the source of this pain to change her life. “I’ll prove him wrong,” she thought. She decided to lose the weight that turned him away and find her self-worth again. Her eyes were opened to healthy living and wellness and she unexpectedly found herself on a new journey.
There once was a girl who went to London and then started a blog to work through her conflicting emotions about her body and her relationships. She found a voice and made new friends. Life got better. She became healthier. And she found her self-worth beyond the mirror.
There once was a girl who needed to confront the demons from her past by shutting the door. He came back to haunt her and she still wasn’t good enough. She would never be good enough and her anger became too much to keep bottled up after so long.
This girl needed to say enough.
This girl needed to be brought down to see that her choice to reshape her reflection had everything to do with her and nothing to do with him.
This girl needed to realize the hurtful words from her past say more about the speaker and their insecurities and their need to make themselves feel better by cutting her down.
This girl needed to be surrounded by true love to believe in love.
This girl needed to believe that she is worth more than she ever allowed herself to have.
This girl needed to reclaim the origin of her journey and give herself more credit.
This girl is me.
This girl is you.
This girl is anyone who felt they needed to change themselves for the benefit of someone else.
You were never the problem.
Your journey is your own and the strength it took to get through those challenges makes you remarkable.
Choose to surround yourself with those who see your strength and beauty beyond your reflection.
This girl chooses to turn away from the past and look towards love. It’s time.
As always, stay healthy and keep paying it forward. 🙂
8 Replies to “There Once Was a Girl”
Wow, I admire you for your strength and I wish you good luck on your journey.
Thanks for reading and for your encouragement. I suppose we all have a story we don’t want to tell but we need to get out either way. Looking forward to a brighter future.
This is remarkable. And I like the way this story is going.
Thank you so much Tamara. I almost didn’t write this and then I realized, I needed to write this. 🙂
Lovely and contemplative. I’m visiting from SITS Share fest & I’m so glad I did.
It is so courageous to write like this and yes, you are writing it for many of us. Those you write for and speak for gain their own courage from your willingness and words as well. Brava.
Gosh, thank you Julie and thank you SITSGirls for connecting us! It’s taken me a very long time to get to the point where I could even form the words, and then more time to write them out. It occurred to me that our motives for some of the big decisions in our lives may have started in one place, but things change and we change with them. Deciding to lose weight because of an ex may have been where this all started for me, but it was only part of the story and I never gave myself credit for all the rest. Thank you for your kind words and for reading what I had to say. I really appreciate it! 🙂
This is beautiful. Your strength is inspiring.
Thanks Kris! Hard one to write but glad its out there. 🙂